Girl Talk - Boy Talk
Chas and Dave wrote a song about it and how right they were. Women just love to rabbit! Whether you calling it chatting, nattering, gassing or just plain talking, weīre way ahead of the opposition in the vocal stakes. Not that Iīm saying itīs a reason for our men to dump us, as suggested by Chas and Dave, but Iīve no doubt there are times when they wish weīd put a sock in it.
More often than not, talking to another woman is far less work than trying to get a decent conversation going with a bloke. How many times havenīt you tried initiating conversation by mentioning something youīre sure heīd find agreeable only to receive the standard "mmmm" reply. If you know he loves BMWs and thereīs a fine example of one parked along the road, try saying "thatīs a nice car, isnīt it?" and see what happens. Yepp, the standard reply. If you really want to get him talking, try "I canīt see what anybody sees in those cars" and before you know it, heīll be chatting on about how reliable the engine of a BMW is (assuming it is, of course), how comfortable the interior is, not to mention how well planned the layout is and the luggage roomīs just awesome! And did you know it can do 0-60 at the speed of a fart? The point is, men need to be dragged into action through a good disagreement. Small talk, just for the sake of it, isnīt their forte.
Itīs hardly surprising, given our differences, that men become frustrated at their women who constantly want to talk about things that offer no argument. They donīt see the point in discussing the scent of the roses unless you happen to think it smells like sherbet whilst he thinks it smells of honey! And if youīve already decided to get a Greyhound, why continue to talk about them? The subject would really only merit further discussion if youīve started doubting the decision but to him, simply reiterating that Greyhounds make wonderful pets is hardly worthy of word expenditure.
Women, on the other hand, are happy to spend hours discussing various aspects of life, be it which washing powder does the job best (although I have to admit that this particular subject has a short life around here) to whether or not thereīs life in outer space. Weīll analyse our lives from every perceivable angle and serve our emotions on a plate to be shared and devoured. When we talk about sex itīs because weīre either experiencing difficulties in that department or finally achieved multiple orgasm. The fact that the bloke standing next to the BMW (the one you earlier admired with your partner) has a huge lunch box isnīt THAT important to us. Sure, weīll joke about it but where men stop at "Iīd give her one", women will discuss īwhyī theyīd give him one.
How often have you known your partner (or father or brother) to pick up the phone for no other reason than because they fancy a chat? They may well have done during your courting days but do they ever call their male friends just to have a natter? I doubt it. Women, on the other hand, can spend hours on the phone to the same girlfriend, talking about anything and everything, going into minute detail about every event thatīs happened since last time they spoke and still finding it all just as interesting as they wouldīve had it been the very first conversation theyīd ever had. When witnessing this behaviour, men simply shake their heads and wonder how the heck we can find so much to talk about to somebody we visited with for three hours just last week. To a man, the telephone is either a means of making contact when something needs to be said or done or, for some, a means of getting a quick thrill through dialling premium rate numbers. It certainly isnīt a tool designed for nurturing friendships.
Iīm not saying that men will never talk; of course they talk. Men are great at discussing business deals and are generally happier speaking publicly than women are but they need a definite goal to make talking worthwhile. To them, when talking about next doorīs new car, the technical specs are what interest them, whereas weīd probably
wonder about itīs cost and how on earth they managed to afford it! Gossipy, yes, but that also comes naturally to women.
Evidently, our propensity for gossip stems from way back when we lived in caves. The men went out to hunt leaving the women to look after the cave and offspring. For those women, it was important to know what was going on around them in order to keep their own home and family safe, something which eventually evolved into gossip once we mastered the art of meaningful speech. Knowing that Missus Chucklebum could be likely to steal your food supplies or that old man Poop-pants had been known to rape women while their men were away were important things to know. Gossip was what moved this information quickly through the villages, rather like the jungle drum. Unfortunately, gossip often changes facts so poor old Annie Spottyface was seduced by Tommy Littleballs could easily turn into something that makes Annie sound as if sheīs slept with half the village. Men, as much as they deny it, also gossip. They donīt see it as such because their gossip takes on a different stance. Knowing that Dave has put a new turbo in his motor or that Bobīs been promoted is just as much gossip as anything we women talk about. Men gossip because, going back to the days of old again, they needed to know which tribes or villages were strong and with which weapons they were likely to fight with. That sort of thing translates in our modern society to whoīs got the most money (money = power) and what theyīve earned it by doing. Facts were, and still are, important to them from a strategic point of view. My partner would call it "intelligence gathering" but no matter what impressive name you put to it and how pretty the packaging is, itīs still gossip, plain and simple. They just donīt do it quite as much as us ladies.
Conversationīs a bonding agent between women, something that men donīt need. They bond through activities; either doing them or discussing them. If theyīre not out on some muddy field kicking a ball around then itīll be "Did you see Beckhamīs penalty last night?". Oh, and "look at the knockers on that" will sometimes come into play because sex is an activity just as much as football, biking, fixing cars, fishing or downing pints.
Most of us have heard that women use about three times as many words a day than men but even so, mixed gender company, men are likely to dominate the conversation. Why? Because they need to exert their power and strength, of course. That isnīt to say there arenīt women who wouldnīt dream of allowing a man to dominate in this way and there are also men who wouldnīt dream of trying but in general, men like to have their voices heard. Iīm afraid we girls have to take some of the blame for that, too, because of our tendency to tack a question on the end of a statement. Saying "that was a lovely meal, wasnīt it?" allows others to jump straight in and, in the case of a man, answering the question then allows him to go on to change the subject in order to satisfy his need to dominate the conversation. Believe me, the only way we can control a conversation is to stop leaving open-ends, because while we might see them as showing a concern for the opinions of others, men will see them as weak statements from a woman who doesnīt know her own mind.
Another way in which the sexes differ can be clearly seen when a woman wants to discuss something thatīs bothering her. Iīd be reasonably well off now if Iīd been given a pound for every time I heard a woman complain "he always has to be so argumentative". He isnīt doing it to hurt, though; itīs just his nature. Discussionīs good, small talkīs a waste of time. We just have to accept that theyīre not women (and I can assure you there are times when Iīm glad my partner isnīt) and let them do what comes naturally. That, incidently, also includes offering advice. Again, for him, if the conversationīs to achieve anything, a solutionīs needed. You might not want advice but heīs gonna give it, regardless. One friend complained that her husband wouldnīt listen to
her problems because she never took his advice anyway and if she isnīt going to listen to him, why should he bother to listen to her? I can see that a man could get frustrated by women who "donīt listen" but when we desperately want to share our feelings with somebody else without being "told what to do", thatīs when we really need our women friends.
For life to continue, women need men, but when it comes to talking, women need women. Itīs good to be understood.
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