Dirty Hooligan! What a Crude Street Corner Come-On Taught Me About Direct Response Marketing
Can´t get a date?
No, I mean to your website.
Day in and day out, I see marketers address "filet mignon" prospects like $10 streetwalkers.
How do they expect to get the sale (or the signup, or the download, or the ___) like THAT?
It´s all about converting "ho-hum" browsers to excited, active BUYERS ... right?
Hmph. Not that way.
Come with me as I tear through one crude, street corner come-on, showing you how it relates to YOUR direct response website ... and how marketing like this can grind sales to a screeching halt.
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THE COME-ON
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I was walking downtown on business the other day, and out of nowhere I hear:
"HEY!!!
"Ay, can I talk to you?
"Come HERE.
"WHERE YOU GOIN´???!!"
Umm ... excuse him? I was "GOIN´" faster.
To get away from the fool.
You probably don´t realize it, but the mechanics of this barbaric come-on are components YOU experience on direct response sites every day.
The sites that cause their visitors´ only "direct response" to be to leave ... WITHOUT buying, or opting in.
Can´t see it yet?
Let´s break it down:
"HEY!!!"
This is equivalent to an on-entry alert box pop-up telling me to input my name to "personalize my experience."
Or one demanding that I subscribe to some ezine I´ve never heard of, authored by a marketer I don´t know from Adam, and harping on about some free bonuses that I either don´t want, or already have.
"Ay, can I talk to you?"
This is an amateurish, garish sales letter with fonts sized way too big, too much going on in the opening, a massive header that never loads, a headline that doesn´t tell me what the @%$^& I´m doing there, and too much use of colors that are WAY too bright!
The letter continues with a desperate spiel about how this is quite likely "the most important letter I´ll ever read".
(Uhh ... right.)
"Come HERE."
This one´s easy.
"Order TODAY!" "Get it by midnight tonight or you WON´T get it at ALL!" (At least until tomorrow rolls around -- right?)
In other words, "buy my useless crap NOW so I can get right to ignoring your refund request as you discover that my CRAP doesn´t work!"
(Can we say "leave the money on the nightstand?" :-/)
"Where you GOIN´???!"
This is yet *another* pop-up window -- on exit, now -- designed to get me to come up off of my money or e-mail address.
Only this one is so the site owner can hound me relentlessly week after week, with thinly-veiled attempts to make me feel foolish or inferior for not buying on the first visit.
It´s the last desperate reach for ANY form of "action" or desired result from the site.
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You´ve Seen the "Crude" Way. Now ... What´s the BEST Way?
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It´s simple: COURT ME.
Most people don´t go to a website LOOKING to buy something. In contrast, that becomes the result *if* you rub ´em the right way.
"If."
Most sites shouldn´t use hard sales language, (like banter about "hot prices" or "amazing specials"), in their opener.
They´re likely scaring prospects away with the very thought.
Unless your prospect is *specifically* coming to buy and you BOTH *know* that (i.e., you run an online catalog), they´ll be like:
"Hot prices?!
"I didn´t come here to buy, I came here to LEARN. What´s up with that?!"
...And will leave you AND your "scaldingly temperatured prices" at the altar.
And for goodness sake, tell how the visitor will benefit BEFORE asking anything of them.
You´ll get more results that way.
If you were walking down the street and someone shoved a drinking glass in your face, shouting:
"Buy this NOW! Hot sale! Here, here, HERE!! TODAY *ONLY*!!!"
...would you buy it?
Or would you eye them like they´d just sprouted a third ear in the middle of their forehead, and sprint away from "the lunatic" as fast as humanly possible?
Hmmm.
I call calamities like this "The Push ´n´ Shove Principle".
Make the buying decision *theirs* -- not *yours*.
Don´t beat them over the head with "order TODAYs", or "only an idiot would pass up this offer!!!" insults. (Why would we buy from merchants who imply that we´re idiots if we choose NOT to? Way to build a relationship with the reader, Moron!)
Oy.
Instead, let prospects *convince themselves* by presenting such a flawless list of product benefits that they couldn´t imagine NOT ordering.
And if your target market responds to it, you may want to tell a short story introducing a "painful" situation -- before introducing YOUR product as the "soothing" solution later in your copy.
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Okay. So What´s This Whole "Courting" Thing?
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*I* even thought that an odd word to use as I was writing this. But I put it on down because, if you think about it, the similarities between:
COURTING vs. one-night stands, and
BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS vs. direct selling
...are overwhelmingly obvious. Most sites spring directly into a sales pitch WITHOUT courting visitors a little.
There´s the site that realizes it has to "stroke you" some before expecting to get anything out of you (a sale, an e-mail address, etc.).
Then there´s the site that goes for the jugular immediately upon visiting, with those stupid alert pop-up boxes and discussions of price lists before you understand what they have to OFFER -- much less to order.
Take an honest look at YOUR sites now, and ask yourself:
Will my prospects view me as a high class mover and shaker who´s truly interested in serving their needs ... FOR THE LONG HAUL?
Or will they view me as a dirty hooligan desperate to be thrown a bone, who´d pimp ´em like it was the 70´s and my name was "The Mack"?
Yes, I´m sure "Art of War" tactics are effective for some. *I* just don´t want to present myself that way ... because it´s not the ONLY way.
If I have to strong-arm a prospect to get ´em to order a product they don´t WANT or need, it´s tantamount to robbery ... and I´m trying to keep my criminal record clean, thanks.
So, remember:
Don´t push ´em.
Don´t shove ´em.
RUB ´em.
THEN they´ll do what you want ... and come back for more.
Copyright 2004 Harmony Major
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